The
E.B.C. Archives -
Original articles written by Ray Ennis
and first published in The Beat Goes On magazine
For over six
years, Ray Ennis of The Swinging Blue Jeans enthralled sixties music fans with
his monthly article published in The Beat Goes On magazine about the antics
of the legendary Elbow Bending Club. Now, with Ray's permission, we are re-running
these articles on the web.
What is the Elbow Bending Club? Well, no-one really knows except for the members
themselves - and membership is restricted to 60s performers and other carefully
selected people from within the business!
You can guarantee not missing each new edition by completing the box
on the
main Swinging Blue Jeans page
THE ELBOW BENDING CLUB
or
A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH
Watching that wonderful TV series Dad's Army, it suddenly dawned on me, we the EBC should
form ourselves into a keen fighting unit now and not await the likes of Saddam Hussein deciding
to invade our fair island. When I put the suggestion to the lads (and lasses) pointing out Neville
Chamberlain had waited untitl it was nearly to late, and to a man they placed hand on heart and
agreed to put aside one night a month in which to train and hone our bodies to sleek physical
perfection, Their request for monitary gain fell on deaf ears
On the excuse that he had once owned a box of lead soldiers, Dave (the glove) Berry became
excited and laid claim to the rank of Captain, which was immediately kicked into touch by the
others who didn't fancy being bossed about by someone who had little or no knowledge of the art
of warfare, other than on his kitchen table. Maybe it was the lead in those soldiers that is to blame
for the lad's (lad!!!) behaviour, they do say it can effect the brain!
Frank Allen immediately offered his services as linguist (much to a murmer of
"Oh No" from the rest of the chaps) However, I seconded the offer and Lieutenant Allen is now officially esconced
as Acting Regimental Linguist, purely based on the fact that he bores the life out of me, so heaven
knows what the opposition will make of him should it come to negotiationt
At Lt Allen's request, it was agreed Private Spencer James would act as his batman, after which
The Glove threw himself on the floor screaming "But I want to be Batman" poor soul.
Amid the contusion I elected myself as Captain, with privates Twinkle and Shapiro, together with
Lance Corporal Tony Sherwood acting as Regimental Mascots, seconded to ablutions, catering
and troop cormforts
Phil (The matron) Thompson was nominated official regimental stretcher bearer and acting medic
(who else). His face lit up like Blackpool Illuminations and he immediately started tearing the
sleeve off his shirt for bandages and said he would dye them khaki later.
I thought it would be a good idea to kit out Graham Knight and Sandy Newman in full Scottish
regalia, Kilt, Sporran, Bagpipes the lot. Can you imagine a load of Arabs with the latest
technology in weapons being confronted by Knight & Newman Bagpipes in one hand and a bottle
of Smirnofl Blue in the other. I think even Hitler would have had second thoughts about starting
anything'.
in case anyone didn't know Dave Munden of the Tremeloes was a bit handy with his fists in his
youth as an amateur boxer. He still carries out his hobby today, mainly by knocking out barmen
who refuse to serve him or by opening his hotel room door with a single punch when he has lost
his key. Dave was put in charge of all covert operations, the rest of his squad cant be named as
Dave threatened to do me over if I divulged their identities (RickDave and Joe didn't seem to
mind) OOPS!
My request to utilise part of the Birkenhead Army Cadet Corp barracks was turned down with a
rather brusk "Clear off, if we need yer we'll come and get yer, know worra mean like". It's the
last time I take the family for a day out in Birkenhead!
We have now acquired our own base and nerve centre, which is located in the lawnmower hut
adjoining Ramsbotham BOWLS Club. The facilities are not quite up to scratch, but in times of
national emergency we'll simply have to bite our lip and make do.
The art of deer stalking in Peebles in 1968, was resposible for my decision in making Sergeant
Les 'Thumper' Braid the regiments official sniper. Ever alert and keen of wit, Thump is the one
person I'd trust my life to with little thought to the consequences, and if you believe that you will
believe anything!
A deep set knowledge of sheep, learnt when an apprentice shepherd in the Cairngorms at the age
of six (his family moved house while he was at school), then a time as a trainee jockey followed
by an afternoon as ring helper and clown beater with Bertram Mills Circus, made Hal Carter the
most obvious choice as Regimental Sergeant Major. The post also gave him direct responsibility as
Mess Sergeant and Acting Sergeant of stores. Heaven help anyone who tries to get a double
dollop of mince at mealtimes, or an extra bullet with which to defend his homeland if he cant
account for the last one he fired!
Corporal Cohn 'Fingers' Manley was selected as Regimental Messenger and Rough Rider due to
his expertise on the donkeys at Blackpool. Apart from that he's the only one who owns a bike,
which is how he acquired his well known reputation in liverpool as 'one who gets about a bit'. At
the moment it is taking all my time trying to convince Fingers he should paint his bike khaki!
Dave The Glove' Berry was not an obvious choice for anything, in fact it was first muted we'd be
better off transferring him to the enemy but on the belief there would be no takers and knowing
he has Cyril his trusty whippet on tap, it was decided they will act as Regimental Sniffer Dog and
Handler. Cyril's the dog, the Glove's the handler!!!
Marthy Berry, granted the rank of honourary Kennel Maid, will also act as the official interpreter
due to her overseas heritage (the lowlands of Holland to be precise). She will also act as agent
provocateur (in conjunction with Dave Munden), meaning she will move stealthily through the
night living rough and causing havoc where peace previously reigned This should prove to be a
good move on our behalf, providing the invaders speak. Dutch!
Tony Crane phoned to offer his services as entertainer, When I had stopped laughing I told him
there would be no need for an ENSA type organisation, but instead offered him the rank of
Corporal with the duty of mine clearance. I heard a gasp and the phone went dead. Haven't heard
from him since although rumour has it that for a small rental charge he has been allowed to hide in
John McNally's loft
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