Nevertheless it was a very enlightening affair with a very enthusiastic turn out, especially bearing in mind it was also membership renewal time (I think I've explained before how hard it is to get money out of musicians). It's also amazing how easily some of them part with their ill gotten gains when plied with a few drinks and the promise of amazing publicity and the odd mention in The Beat Goes On!

Pub games were on offer and to the fore this year, with Darts, Dominoes and Pool proving the most poular amongst the chaps.

Spencer James was a worthy runner-up in the Pool competition, although having the handicap of standing on an upturned beer crate to reach the table. Sadly, Spencer fell off his crate at a crucial moment in the final and sunk the 8 ball before the pack had been broken. Unfortunately, his opponent, the mercenary Dave 'Give em Nothing' Dee claimed the game and the match by default and swanned-off into the night clutching his trophy.

A broken hearted Spencer was last seen brushing sawdust off his tuxedo, and directing curses at both the beer crate and his new cowboy boots!

Good ol' Les 'Thumper' Braid ran away with the Darts competition. He was so enebriated he simply picked up the dart board and ran away with it, never to be seen again untill gig time!

Twinkle, looking very fetching in a red sack dress and white pumps with drop earings and matching alice band won the 'Let's crawl across the floor for another drink competition'. Sadly Dave Berry declared injured during the crawl due to splinters in his knees, although wife Marthy was heard to yell 'Get up off the floor, you'll wear holes in your new gloves'!

The domino tournament was a bit more exciting, reaching a climax in the quarter final when Reg Presley knocked so hard on the table with those bricklayers hands of his, that the table shattered scattering Bones and Beer everywhere, when only half the dominos were recovered it was decided the game should be declared null and void. A hastily organised committee meeting in the snug decided that Reg should be made to replace the spilt ale!

There was a slight fracas in the gents toilet when the Landlord caught John McNally trying to limbo under the toilet door to avoid paying out a penny to use the thunder-box!

Hal Carter MBE (money before entertainment) suggested a sing-song and led the entire ensemble into his version of 'Beat Me Daddy Eight To The Bar' which left him completely exhausted, but a delighted Tinkle declared it to be her favorite 'new' song.

Frank Allens version of 'Ten Cents a Dance' met with no takers, although Graham Knight looked slightly interested util he fell off his bar-stool!

Ricky Valance tried to lead the gathering into a medley of Jess Conrads hit, but sadly nobody knew the words, although it did trigger my memory that I had to buy Colin 'Fingers' Manley a new pullover for crimbo.

The celebratory gathering was brought to a hasty close when Alan Williams started telling jokes.

A sad note to end on was, somebody nicked Phil 'The Medic' Thompson's box of plasters, cotton-wool and iodine from the saddle bag on his bike!

Following a request for suggestions regarding Christmas presents they would like to buy fellow members, the following were sent in anonymously.

To Frank Allen a mahogany pulpit in which to practice his sermons.
To John McNally a book on how to spend money (by Garry Glitter)
To Brian Poole a gift voucher (by playtex)
To Marmalade shares in the Vladivar factory in Varrington.
To The Tremeloes a new Tribal Yell.
To Billy J Kramer a game of snap with the Mitchelin Man.
To Reg Presley a tractor and cornfield (with a martian driver)
To Twinkle her own brewery.
To Ray Ennis a pen with a more vitriolic knib.

P.S. My friend and Idol Dave Berry would like the address of Tony Crane's singing teacher because, as recent poll results in TBGO confirm, HE CAN WORK BLOODY MIRACLES!
p.p.s I sincerely hope you all had a great Christmas and I wish you all a very HAPPY NEW
YEAR!

RAY ENNIS.
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